Growing In The In Between Spaces
How to be present when life is uncertain
We are living in one giant in between.
Birth ———————————————————————— Death
It is a truth we all have in common, and every day, we experience micro in betweens.
A breath…
A pause button…
A hallway…
A flight…
An em dash —
A moment where you are neither here nor there, a moment you are in between.
These moments are quite frequent in life, more frequent than we care to admit to ourselves. Sometimes the in between moment holds a lot of discomfort and even pain in it. Sometimes it’s a little more like a plateau, maybe it feels really easy and you’re happy to hold where you’re at.
No matter the flavor, often these are the moments we try to run from the most. Even when there is a calmness there, our humanness fights the uncertainty of a holding period.
Not to mention, we now have so many systems in place to help us do that. AHEM — looking at you Chat GPT.
GPT or other AI tools allow us to no longer be in the space of discomfort while creating or investigating. The messy draft can be perfected in less than 5 seconds, the subject line crafted in 37 variations, the answer revealed without a journey off of your comfy couch. The in between is demolished in an instant, along with your discomfort.
We have plenty of distractions to fill an in between. Open any social media app, they’ve all been programed to suck you in. Rushing past it all has become all too easy.
Outside of the systems we have, what about the moments you give your power away. How often do you rush to someone else for the answer before pausing for your own clarity?
So what happens when we’re forced to face an in between that has no short cuts?
When you sit at the bedside of your loved one in hospice…
When you hold the hand of your spouse who lost their job…
When your business income takes a dip and your financial health is in pain…
There’s no prompt that will change this, no time for distractions or the distractions don’t have the same effect on you, no answers that are helping. There is a discomfort in realizing you have less control that you believed you did.
You are in the abyss of the in between, and when you have not given yourself the space to process micro in between moments, these moments feel earth shattering.
You have to learn how to be with your discomfort rather than constantly trying to change it into something you deem as productive.
In 2018, I sat at my brother Kirk’s hospice bed as he was slowly actively dying.
He was no longer here, but he was also not yet there.
His slow shallow breaths filled the space as we all sat in various positions around the room, read chapters out loud of books nearby, ate food from a gas station on the corner (gross).
We were in motion in the in between space, but not motion that would change the reality of what was. Kirk was dying.
Consider —
How in touch with your reality are you?
Are you tunnel visioned into one way of this playing out?
Are you avoiding the truth?
What motion are you in?
Are you suffocating your desire? Or are you waiting around for something to fix or change your scenario?
What do you do that supports the result without being directly connected to it?
That moment, that squirm-in-your-skin moment, is where the growth happens. Running past it is like the caterpillar bypassing it’s cocoon and still expecting to be a butterfly.
How do you get present in these in between moments? How do you make them easier? Here are 3 things to try on this month —
1 - Learn to be with the discomfort instead of trying to fix it.
Discomfort is a natural human state. The more you try to fix it, the more you make it wrong.
The next time you reach for GPT to solve it for you or your phone to phone the friend who makes it go away, pause. Even if just for 10 seconds.
This doesn’t mean avoid going to these places all the time. It’s an ask to slow your pace to see if you’re bypassing the cocoon and then staying a caterpillar anyways.
2 - Put yourself in the pathway of new.
Do something new that has no effect on the things you’re worried about the most.
If it feels like too much to test your discomfort on the things that are high stakes in your life (your job, your relationship, etc.), then try something new that has absolutely no effect on these things. The comfort zone thrives in routine. Break your routine by choice and your strengthen the skills you need next time you’re faced with an in between.
3 - Get to know your Human Design Strategy
✨ Pull your chart here ✨
Our strategy creates the subtle art of the wait that takes us from force to flow.
For Generators — Wait to respond
» What are you being pulled into or pushed away from? This is your opportunity to be in what completely lights up your energy as you notice what life brings to you.
For Manifesting Generators — Wait to respond and inform
» As you move and pivot quickly, what are you being pulled towards? Who can you bring into the loop as you say yes to life?
For Projectors — Wait for the invitation
» This is about noticing who is ready to invest into your energy. Where does your energy feel invited in more?
For Manifestors — Inform
» Bring people in the loop to help stabilize the energy. Informing isn’t about asking for permission, it’s about letting people know what you’re up to - which gives people an opportunity to jump onboard.
For Reflectors — Wait to be initiated and sparked
» Your energy is constantly sampling and sensitive to what’s happening in your spaces. Where do you feel sparked, inspired, invited into the next steps?
By the way, next week I’m hosting a free workshop to Understand Your Human Design. If you’re ready to turn your pressure into flow and overwhelm into clarity, this is the class for you!
Welcome to the In Between my friend… It’s weird, it’s messy, it’s miraculous!
May you fall in love with the experience of it each time you are in the depths of it. May you get to know yourself deeper each time you are in the creases of life. May you know you are never alone in the moments you are in between…